By Allie Marie


I just make it worse.

Unnecessary apologizes

scarring my opinions.

I spoke up now

it seems for nothing.

My thoughts now being

shaded by unneeded anxiety.

I said it.

I meant it.

Now I’ve made it seem

less important than it is.

My words mattered.

I assumed you really

didn’t want to hear

so I made them almost disappear.



Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve

By Allie Marie


A night of traditions

of presents and stockings

of laughter and cheer

instead we are here.

Ice cold white walls adorn the walls.

The multicolored spikes occasionally

makes the machine start to beep.

The nurse wears Christmas scrubs.

We feel guilty.

We wish we realized how sick

you were the night before.

You didn’t want to come.


But we could’t chance it any longer.

We made you agree.

Frightening that your breath

sounds like the squeak of a broken rocking chair.

That you sometimes don’t realize you’re talking to yourself.

Pneumonia, hydration, not sure what else.

You’re other daughter far away.

to avoid the colder weather.

Says she can’t really talk to you

she has company.

There’s so many things

I would like to say to her.

I shut my mouth.

I have to for you.

A grandmother, a mother, and daughter

spend a Christmas Eve up at the emergency room.

A father and son come up

to get some food.

All our Christmas wishes tonight

we give to you.


Not Present to Defend

Not Present to Defend

By Allie Marie


I don’t believe it.

You didn’t say it.

You did.

They’re not here.

A cruel room boils of laughter.

You’re not there to defend.

I’ve never been you’re favorite person.

And I’d say the same to you.

But, still I wouldn’t wish you this –

Their laughter at your joy.

The ones you trust

aren’t your friends.

And, you’re always quick

to cut at me.

But, I would never do

what your “friends” do.

Maybe I should’t let shock or fear

leave me silent.

But, I sit here

and listen.

It All

It All

By Allie Marie 


I could save myself from missteps

if I could get out of my own way.

I know exactly what I need.

I ignore it.

I turn to questions.

A for anxiety I use as answers.

You think I’m inept.

I’m not.

I care so much about things so little.

I strive for perfection I don’t believe in.

In turn,  I am my own worse enemy

but in reality I am your best bet.

Driven and caring in detail.

I want more than you ask for.

Together we can do it all.

Can’t you see?



By Allie Marie


I’d like to tell you that it stops

after the final bell rings in the hallway.

I’d like to tell you that it ends

when the final item is packed up from your dorm.

But the voices and barricades

just come in different forms.

Your heart will learn

how to build a fortress.

But, it’s core will know

true empathy and kindness.

Keep that.

And keep your head up.

Maybe it doesn’t end.

But, it’ll get better.

Turn pain into goodness.

And, it’s okay that

sometimes it still stings.

All things can.

But, take that and

be different.

Don’t turn

into them.

Left in Silence

Left in Silence

By Allie Marie

You just left me here

like I knew you would.

The silence is understood.

But the answers blank

circle through

just to be misunderstood.

Give me something.

Scars to point fingers to.

I’m not perfect

but either are you.

I can take it.

You won’t make me break.

I’m far stronger

than you think.

That’s how I built

these stone walls.